Yes!!!
Monday, June 11, at 7 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Central!
On the comedy side, the network that brought us Twitter-based $#*! My Dad Says and Twitter-based actor Ashton Kutcher is once again showing its affinity for new media. CBS has greenlit Friend Me. Here’s the (rather extensive) logline: “Twentysomething best friends, Evan and Rob, move from their hometown of Bloomington, Ind., to Los Angeles to begin their exciting new lives working at Groupon. Evan is having trouble breaking his old slothful habits and rather than go out after work to explore L.A. and meet new people, prefers to play online poker with his buddies back home. Rob has different plans and is determined to drag Evan, kicking and screaming, along with him.” Cast includes Christopher Mintz-Plasse and Nicholas Braun.
The nerdy dude from “Superbad” somehow makes this idea less nerdy. The company just had its first profit, and they’re screwing it up already. Sigh.
New 2012-13 NBC Comedies
ZOMG you guys, NBC is on tumblr. Don’t they know that tumblr totally hates them right now?
PS. If you’re reading this, NBC, CANCEL WHITNEY!
Nobody likes you over here, NBC.
Also, I bet Save Me is going to be SUCH A HUGE HIT. OH YEAH TOTALLY. BECAUSE EVERYONE LOVES ANNE HECHE.
There is nothing on this list that is not hilarious in concept/nature. I’m glad these are all comedies. BTW, Bill Pullman is playing the president again! He should give ALL THE SPEECHES
These are all jokes, right? Because if these are real shows, then this was obviously the year I could have gotten my spec pilot “TALKING FART MACHINE: THE INCREDIBLE ADVENTURES OF A MACHINE THAT FARTS (AND ALSO TALKS! NOT BAD, RIGHT?)” picked up for a 15 episode order and I missed it.
Tell you what, I am gonna not watch the fuck out of some ANIMAL PRACTICE. I’mma strain myself, not watching that.
Matthew Perry in Goon, a prequel to Goonies.
Also Animal Practice to be cancelled and replaced with Manimal Practice mid-season. Guaranteed!
Keep it called ‘30 Rock,’ just switch the focus to any of these spectacular businesses operating in and around 30 Rockefeller Plz, like, say, ‘Tossed,’ a journey of two vegan 20-somethings, or perhaps, ‘Yummy Sushi,’ so fresh it’s raw. Related: NBC, hope you like tumblr pitchforks.
HEY, DID I MISS ANYTHING?
Kids:
A few hours ago, I landed in Los Angeles, turned on my phone, and confirmed what you already know. Sony Pictures Television is replacing me as showrunner on Community, with two seasoned fellows that I’m sure are quite nice - actually, I have it on good authority they’re quite nice, because they once created a show and cast my good friend Jeff Davis on it, so how bad can they be.
Why’d Sony want me gone? I can’t answer that because I’ve been in as much contact with them as you have. They literally haven’t called me since the season four pickup, so their reasons for replacing me are clearly none of my business. Community is their property, I only own ten percent of it, and I kind of don’t want to hear what their complaints are because I’m sure it would hurt my feelings even more now that I’d be listening for free.
I do want to correct a couple points of spin, now that I’m free to do so:
The important one is this quote from Bob Greenblatt in which he says he’s sure I’m going to be involved somehow, something like that. That’s a misquote. I think he meant to say he’s sure cookies are yummy, because he’s never called me once in the entire duration of his employment at NBC. He didn’t call me to say he was starting to work there, he didn’t call me to say I was no longer working there and he definitely didn’t call to ask if I was going to be involved. I’m not saying it’s wrong for him to have bigger fish to fry, I’m just saying, NBC is not a credible source of All News Dan Harmon.
You may have read that I am technically “signed on,” by default, to be an executive consulting something or other - which is a relatively standard protective clause for a creator in my position. Guys like me can’t actually just be shot and left in a ditch by Skynet, we’re still allowed to have a title on the things we create and “help out,” like, I guess sharpening pencils and stuff.
However, if I actually chose to go to the office, I wouldn’t have any power there. Nobody would have to do anything I said, ever. I would be “offering” thoughts on other people’s scripts, not allowed to rewrite them, not allowed to ask anyone else to rewrite them, not allowed to say whether a single joke was funny or go near the edit bay, etc. It’s….not really the way the previous episodes got done. I was what you might call a….hands on producer. Are my….periods giving this enough….pointedness? I’m not saying you can’t make a good version of Community without me, but I am definitely saying that you can’t make my version of it unless I have the option of saying “it has to be like this or I quit” roughly 8 times a day.
The same contract also gives me the same salary and title if I spend all day masturbating and playing Prototype 2. And before you ask yourself what you would do in my situation: buy Prototype 2. It’s fucking great.
Because Prototype 2 is great, and because nobody called me, and then started hiring people to run the show, I had my assistant start packing up my office days ago. I’m sorry. I’m not saying seasons 1, 2 and 3 were my definition of perfect television, I’m just saying that whatever they’re going to do for season 4, they’re aiming to do without my help. So do not believe anyone that tells you on Monday that I quit or diminished my role so I could spend more time with my loved ones, or that I negotiated and we couldn’t come to an agreement, etc. It couldn’t be less true because, just to make this clear, literally nobody called me. Also don’t believe anyone that says I have sex with animals. And if there’s a photo of me doing it with an animal - I’m not saying one exists, I’m just saying, if one surfaces - it’s a fake. Look at the shadow. Why would it be in front of the giraffe if the sun is behind the jeep?
Where was I? Oh yeah. I’m not running Community for season 4. They replaced me. Them’s the facts.
When I was a kid, sometimes I’d run home to Mommy with a bloody nose and say, “Mom, my friends beat me up,” and my Mom would say “well then they’re not worth having as friends, are they?” At the time, I figured she was just trying to put a postive spin on having birthed an unpopular pussy. But this is, after all, the same lady that bought me my first typewriter. Then later, a Commodore 64. And later, a 300 baud modem for it. Through which I met new friends that did like me much, much more.
I’m 39, now. The friends my Mom warned me about are bigger now, and older, bloodying my nose with old world numbers, and old world tactics, like, oh, I don’t know, sending out press releases to TV Guide at 7pm on a Friday.
But my Commodore 64 is mobile now, like yours, and the modems are invisible, and the internet is the air all around us. And the good friends, the real friends, are finding each other, and connecting with each other, and my Mom is turning out to be more right than ever.
Ah, shit, I still haven’t called my fucking Mom.
Mom, Happy Mother’s Day. I got fired.
Yes, Mom. AGAIN.
(Photo by Michael Nagle/The New York Times)
In recent years, he’s branched out, hosting VH1’s “The World Series of Popular Culture” and other game shows. He’s even become a go-to guy for movie cameos. In “Night at the Museum” and “4:44 Last Day on Earth,” he broke fictional news about dinosaurs and the apocalypse, and he will soon play himself in “The Avengers” and on a May episode of “30 Rock.”
But if Kiernan-philia has intensified of late, it might be an early form of separation anxiety. For the past year, he has been publicly pursuing his dream job: to succeed Regis Philbin, who retired from “Live! With Regis and Kelly” last fall. He got his wish on March 7, at least temporarily, when he was the guest host opposite Kelly Ripa. At the top of the show, Ms. Ripa said the pairing had been “a year in the making.”
She was not kidding. “The day Regis announced his retirement, I talked to my agent and said, ‘We got to get in line for that,’ ” Mr. Kiernan recalled. That was in January 2011; soon after, he revealed his intentions in New York magazine. In “Stuff Pat Kiernan Says,” he pokes fun at his own eagerness, at one point running through the Upper West Side, yelling: “Kelly! I need to talk to you!”
He’s still running. Last week, the show’s producers announced that Mr. Kiernan would get a second and third shot, as the guest co-host of “Live! With Kelly” this coming Monday and Tuesday.
Pat Kiernan of NY1 Sets His Sights on ‘Live! With Kelly’ - NYTimes.com
Well, there’s no reason to watch SNL anymore.
Although this sucks, at least it means more screen time for Jay Pharoah and Taran Killam!!!!!
[Flash 10 is required to watch video]
I’ve definitely reblogged this before but can’t help doing it again
